You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
