he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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