omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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