Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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