found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
