Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize