Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
