Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
