i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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