Everything about him screamed your future.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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