"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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