i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
