Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
