You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
