Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
