Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
