You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
