glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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