the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
