I wish I could teleport
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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