i was born a porn star she said
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
