i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize