I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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