i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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