with your own penis?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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