i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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