So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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