Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He felt like a one man threesome
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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