I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
