Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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