Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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