I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
