things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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