I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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