I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
