I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
