i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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