the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
