The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
