the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
