Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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