dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
