Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
