I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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