The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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