What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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