I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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