Buhtt sex?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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