That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
