He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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