I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
