Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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