Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
