and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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