I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
