Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
