I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
