Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
