I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
