I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
