that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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