Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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