I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
