so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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