Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this will be a night to untag.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
