Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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